Dear WCF (not a wrestling federation, that's Willy Clay Ford),
I am aware at this point that you don't really care about your team. You're asking for 25 billion dollars, might actually get it, and I STILL think the Lions payroll will shrink. Half the players know they're dead men walking. Fans in Detroit pack bars just to laugh, because hell...they're off Monday, why not enjoy the weekend. At some point, it will end. Maybe we beat the Saints (and I say "we" because the Lions are taking on a symbolic design for a city ravaged by bad decision making and dour future prospects despite the continued winning of the Wings and Pistons). Maybe we beat the Packers. In the end, it won't really matter. 1-15 isn't doing anything that 0-16 can't do. I'll root for them violently like every Sunday, but only because it's Detroit. And anything Detroit is worth my time. Countless columns keep popping up about the Lions being the current state of Detroit...mostly by ESPN blowhards who haven't set even one of their Birkenstocks or Crocs in the Motor City. Ever.
The #1 pick is an inevitability. The Chiefs tried to suck enough. They're all style, no substance when it comes to maximum underachieving. The Bengals? They've put in two good weekends of work this year. They're starting a guy that couldn't even get regular tick at Dave Wannstadt U and still finding wins here and there. So in a few months, someone will be anointed the tag of "the franchise" for an outfit that brings the effort of a hooker on Cass one last screw from rent money but the results of that same hooker...who won't get past making out.
So I implore you, don't go the route of Matt Stafford, Sam Bradford, or any number of other overhyped QB prospects that might sell a few more Mel Kiper interviews. Do it the Dolphins way. Draft a tackle. Draft Andre Smith if he chooses to bolt. Don't let him know before he declares though. That might cause him to think twice. Then again, is Alabama really that much more exciting and upscale than Detroit? Come to think of it, he might be just fine either way. Most teams that win do it the right way. Don't draft a QB too high and handicap the rest of the roster. You tried with Joey Harrington. Nice guy. Did way too many news spots where he showed he could play the piano. Did way too few highlight shows where he showed he could play actual football. It didn't work. It won't work with cannon armed Stafford or name-heavy Bradford. And unless Tebow is willing to be the one man band in the NFL that he is in college, he might be sticking around another year. Go with Smith. Build in the trenches. Find a retread QB like Chad Pennington was. Ask Scott Pioli how the hell he found Tom Brady. Draft an inexpensive young guy or two (Henne, Beck) and maybe one will pan out whilst the vet is working his voodoo. Or just keep Dan Orlovsky, who for some reason loves playing for the Lions. An odd duck, he is, he must also like it when his wife screams at him, his black lab pisses all over his shoes, when Coney Island screws up his order, and diahrreah. No QB is good when he's on his back. Even mediocre QBs are capable when you keep them upright. You wanna spend money? Do it on someone that has a proven track record of team-building. Parcells knows football. The Fins know Parcells. Matt Millen knows motorcycles. Ride it right into a ditch, M squared.
The Lions fans' offical holiday is nearly upon us. The draft. Soon, Sundays will pass when 3 hours of the day can't be consumed by laughing at the Lions. The grim reality of life and unemployment will set in an extra day. The Lions aren't going to fix the world. Win or lose, Detroit is in trouble and everyone who loves the city just the same. But if somewhere along the line, the Lions can make the right decisions and give hope...hell, maybe there's a light at the end of the tunnel afterall. For if the Lions can do it, surely the rest of us can too.
Signed,
Just another Lions fan
